Reflections from This Past Week: Hiddenness, Servanthood, and Recentering

This past week, my 15-month-old toddler came down with his first bout of sickness. With his temperature rising and falling and his nose congested and runny, I felt like I was taking care of a newborn all over again. It broke my heart to watch as he dug his face into my body in desperate attempts to feel better. All I could do for him was to hold him tightly as I nursed him back to health.

Unsurprisingly, the plans I made to grab dinner with a friend were postponed. Plans for a playdate were put on hold, and even my weekend of serving at church was canceled. Once again, I began to feel the temptation of self-pity come streaming down my thoughts: thoughts if not quickly rejected as my own are given the power to consume.

Ugh, I swear my entire life revolves around this baby.
But I really need self-care.
Why isn’t my husband doing anything!!

And as I began to reach out and take hold of these victimizing thoughts, I felt a tug at my heart. I leaned into it and heard a familiar, gentle whisper that posed a question this time:

Julie, what is it that you want in this life?

With that question, my brain was taken on a mini-journey. What do I want... Do I want fame? Respect? Money? Comfort? Or do I want perseverance, character, and hope? Do I want to cater to my flesh every time I’m given a situation that requires sacrifice or do I want to use that opportunity to grow in faithfulness? Do I want to cave into my fear of man or do I want the fullness of life that comes with the fear of God?

Do I really believe that God has a purpose for this season of mine?

And do I really believe that life with God is purposeful, no matter what it looks like to the world?

There was a lesson to be learned this week about servanthood and hiddenness in motherhood. I don’t know if I can sum it up in this blog post that I’m quickly typing up as Luke naps… and I’m sure I have lots more to share on the topic. But I wanted to conclude with an intentional shifting of my heart’s direction as I go back to the daily grind.

I reject the mentality of unhealthy “self-care” that robs us of the power we have to grow through sacrifice.
I reject the pressure of needing a “life” outside of being a mother as if my identity lies in motherhood. (It doesn’t. My identity is in God alone. I am so much more than a title.)

I receive the purposeful calling of motherhood and its varying seasons. Some are hidden. Some are not. All are worthy.
I receive the power to mother my child intentionally, to shift and change as he shifts and changes.
I receive the calling to be faithful in servanthood.
I receive abundantly. I lack nothing.

My child is a gift, not an inconvenience.

Motherhood is a blessing, not a curse.