How to Get Through Postpartumhood: A Letter to Myself

Dear Postpartum Self,

I want to start off by saying: You freaking did it. I’m so proud of you.

No matter how you envisioned your birth to go, you should feel proud of what you just accomplished. You brought life into this world, a life that exists because of your sacrifice, a life that will bring so much joy and wonder to those around them. You braved the nine, grueling months of pregnancy as your body shifted and your heart made room. You battled the fear of the unknown and your fear of hospitals; hell, you gave up sushi for this baby! YOU’RE A QUEEN.

1. Please, please be kind to yourself.

Welcome to the trenches. No one around you will quite understand that this is where the real battle begins. They’ll be too enamored with your baby to see you, although who can blame them? The truth is that even mothers who have gone through this period themselves will not recall the horrors of postpartum. The painful, bloody, nothing-like-you-imagined beginning to the journey of motherhood. I believe it’s another testament to how powerful women are, that our bodies are strong enough to heal and forget. But you’re in the thick of it now, and now is the time to love yourself as you’ve never loved yourself before.

Be kind to yourself. Tell those voices of fear and doubt to f*** off. Be unapologetically true to what your gut tells you. Don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself, and don’t hesitate for a second to advocate for your baby. Be LOUD when you need to and quiet when you want to. Show yourself the grace that you so freely extend to others, and when you look in the mirror at your new body, allow your new stripes and curves to speak praises over your resilience, strength, and beauty.

2. Newborns will be newborns.

In the coming weeks, your baby, like yourself, will be going through many changes as they adapt to their new surroundings. They will wail, sniffle, cough, sneeze, and fart (or even shart), and ALL OF THIS IS NORMAL. (If for some reason your gut tells you that something seems off, please stop the endless google search and ask the pediatrician. This will save you many unnecessarily stressful nights worrying by yourself.)

Newborns will be newborns, and there’s nothing you’re doing wrong. No, you didn’t push 30 minutes too long in the delivery room and it wasn’t because you gave him his first bath too early or too late that he developed newborn acne (which, by the way, is also common). Stop looking for reasons to blame yourself for the natural stage your baby must go through as he transitions out of the womb! Let go of all of the things that you cannot control because you’re doing great.

3. You might not feel a connection with your baby right away, and that doesn’t make you a bad mother.

I see you right now, struggling to smile through people’s congratulations, wondering why you don’t feel as happy as they do. You remember all of the scenes in those movies and all of those filtered photos on social media that depict this connection to be out-of-this-world, heavenly, blissful, and yet… Here you are: feeling alone, afraid, and if you’re honest, a little empty.

I want you to know this: Everyone falls in love at different rates. The love of a mother is not measured in romantic feelings but in the strength we carry. From day one, you have shown unbelievable strength in choosing to love, and I assure you: the feelings will come. One day you will feel so in love with your baby that seeing the pure joy on his face will make you tear up. One day, you’ll wonder how you could possibly love someone so much, and how you’ve lived your entire life without him.

But today, don’t let the guilt take over. Take it day by day; trust your body to do what it was meant to do. Good things take time.

4. Oh, and by the way, breastfeeding? OVERRATED.

Okay, maybe “overrated” is the wrong word. Breast milk is full of nutrients.
But there is absolutely no reason to shame yourself for your “failure” to breastfeed. It isn’t your fault that your baby couldn’t latch. It’s perfectly fine to pump, and it’s perfectly fine to give your baby formula if this is what works for your family.

No one will understand crying over spilled milk until they spill precious ounces of breast milk that they worked so hard over. But if pumping is taking a toll on your mental health, this is your permission to stop. You don’t have to explain your decisions to anyone.

5. Speaking of crying over spilled milk, you may be feeling highly emotional, and that’s okay.

If there’s anything we know as women, fluctuating hormones are pure evil! You physically cannot help the emotional roller coaster that you’re on right now, and the lack of sleep only adds to the emotional highs and lows. Show yourself unlimited grace. Allow your feelings to come and go, and know that they do not define WHO you are. They are simply the product of our body finding its equilibrium again. You may shed a few more tears during this time, and it is completely normal.

6. This too shall pass.

Mama, this too shall pass.

Your house may not look as tidy as it did before, and you may be too stressed out to eat a proper meal. You might be wondering when in the world people have time to do anything with a newborn. But trust me; this is all a normal process that EVERYONE goes through after they have a baby. It will pass, and you’ll find the time again.

7. Give yourself all the space you need to enjoy your baby.

Everything and everyone can wait. Life will fall into place again.
Just for this fleeting moment, your only job is to focus on the precious angel who made you a Mama.

Mama, you are so strong.

Not because you need to prove that you are, but because you were simply created that way. Your body was created to carry this baby, and your body was created to recover. There is nothing more you need to do than allow this season to pass and love your baby the absolute best that you can.

And when this season is over, I promise you will look back and smile and wish it weren’t over so soon.

With all my love,
Julie

I started writing this letter to myself a few months after I gave birth, when I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s true what they say: women forget the pain of childbirth. I wanted to write this letter as a way of speaking victory over myself. I did it. And if you did, too, I celebrate you.

Disclaimer: everyone’s postpartum journey is different. Mine was dark and lonely and probably one of the hardest things I went through. But that doesn’t mean everyone will go through this. Whatever your postpartum journey may look like, you are a warrior.